What is NVC?

NVC, or Non-Violent Communication is a set of tools, a process, and a consciousness developed by Marshall Rosenberg.

Here are some basic principles of this consciousness:

  1. Everything everyone does is in service of getting a need met. There is no “right” or “wrong” - just needs and what people do to meet them. People always do the best they know how to at the time to meet the needs that are alive for them.
  2. Needs are universal to all humans. Some examples are sustenance, safety, compassion, play, challenge, meaning, belonging, contribution. Here is a larger list of needs.
  3. Sometimes people confuse their needs with their strategies to meet those needs. This leads to conflict if people are attached to one specific strategy (you should meet my needs in this way).
  4. Needs themselves don’t conflict (because there is an infinite number of ways to meet a need when you are creative).
  5. Our deepest needs are fulfilled when we meet our own needs and assist others to meet their needs - i.e. we contribute to life.
  6. Empathy is the process by which we can understand our own and each others needs, by listening for the need underneath the pain or the strategy someone is using.
  7. When people understand each others needs, a natural opening of the heart occurs. In this space, it becomes easy to work together to find a strategy that meets both people’s needs.

Clarity around the cause of suffering

One thing I love about NVC is the immense clarity that it provides about why suffering happens and how to interact differently. No more long intellectual theoretical discussions that don’t lead to real answers. This meets my need for efficiency and effectiveness!

A different paradigm of relating

NVC is sometimes presented as a communication tool, but it is much more than that. It’s a fundamental shift in how we think about each other. No one does anything wrong. It gets us completely out of the right/wrong game.

Find out more

A really accessible way to jump in is to watch some videos of Marshall on YouTube.

Here are some articles on NVC:

Next you might connect to a teacher of NVC (I recommend LaShelle Charde if you are in Portland) and/or read Marshall’s book. The official NVC organization is CNVC where you can find more books, teachers, and trainings.