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What the Law of Attraction Is Missing

Mona Lisa’s Got an Uzi

I am, in general, a fan of the LOA, but sometimes people use it as a “spiritual bypass” - an attempt to avoid necessary psychological work by escaping into a false spiritualism.

If you have a history of childhood trauma, your brain learned to adapt and cope by finding some mechanism by which to avoid feeling all the feelings that occurred during the trauma - so your little self could survive. It could be one or several of many things - denial, addiction, fantasy, obsession, workaholism, perfectionism, co-dependence, etc.

So it occurs to me that for folks like us, The Secret and the Law of Attraction stuff can be another means of escape. By promising this superwonderland if you just focus hard enough on what you want, and avoid thinking about “negative stuff”, it encourages a tendency that is already ingrained, and unhealthy. It’s exactly the opposite of what is needed for healing. Healing requires the confronting, accepting, re-experiencing, and integrating of the painful “negative” emotions that were repressed - and it will never happen if you are trying to avoid “negative” feelings. They will still be there - and they will run you until you process and heal them.

I think “positive thinking” is helpful - depending on the spirit in which it is done. Affirming ourselves as whole and capable and that we can create healthy and vibrant lives for ourselves is good. It creates positive pathways/habits in our brain to replace the dysfunctional ones. But if I use “positive thinking” to run from or avoid the negative, I won’t heal. Instead, I think what is needed is to create a safe, healthy container within which to embrace and heal the past hurt - and that work will finally heal the wounds and create the lasting wholeness, happiness, and freedom that everyone seeks.

The message of never feel bad again or get everything you want encourages running away - or it can easily be interpreted that way by a brain that wants to or has trained itself to.

Which is not to say that the Law of Attraction isn’t true, or isn’t helpful. Just that the way it is sometimes portrayed won’t really bring happiness if healing is required. First you heal, then you transcend. You can’t transcend what you haven’t healed - it just doesn’t work that way. (And believe me, I’ve tried). Having gone through that merry-go-round a few times, I have developed an appreciation and humility about the power of healing and the lessons that can are learned by walking through the darkness - not trying to run from it, even if you are running towards the light. The darkness will still be there until you face it and integrate the shadow side - i.e. “come to terms with it”.

Good/bad, positive/negative - these are dualistic poles. True peace emerges - naturally - after you have experienced and accepted both as part of life. And you don’t have to work night and day at it - it is the peaceful confidence that only comes from having confronted the “negative” that is inside you. You’ve walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and you’ve survived - and thrived. It didn’t kill you - in fact, you found a piece of yourself in that valley. You brought it back home with you. You now know that you exist everywhere - in the dark and in the light. This is the true spiritual homecoming that the Law of Attraction work is talking about (I think).

I don’t think it’s possible to experience this without having experienced and accepted your shadow in a “dark night of the soul” type of experience of some kind - walking through the underworld and emerging into the daylight. And I haven’t seen a book or article (yet) about the Law of Attraction that acknowledges this journey, or the need for healing and acceptance before a “negative” experience or emotion will truly be released - rather than just repressed.

Besides the one-sided nature of the LOA, there is also the issue of effectiveness. Repressed psychological “stuff” has a lot of energy that counteracts  “think positive” efforts. To be effective with the LOA, you need to dig a little deeper. I think our core beliefs have a lot more to do with what we attract than our surface emotions.

This is how I look at it: the Universe is abundant. To be able to receive and transmit Divine love/creative energy/the good stuff, I just need to clear out whatever is in the way of receiving it - whatever is in the way of connecting and living in the present moment. And that’s what spiritual traditions have been teaching throughout time. It’s not a secret!